If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
