in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
