This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
