he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
