She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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