I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
