Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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