these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
