I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
