I faked an abortion last night.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
