This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
