my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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