Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
