Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
