At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
