he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
