do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
