So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
