AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
