Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
