I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
