so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
