First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
