So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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