No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
