is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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