"it" just moved
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
