You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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