and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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