your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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