Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Did you pee in the oven last night??
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
