For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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