They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
