Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
