Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
