i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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