i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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