I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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