hell yes lets make some ravioli
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize