I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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