Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
