We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
