what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
