Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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