i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
