dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize