I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
