I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The air was thick with penises
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
