Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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