It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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