He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
