Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize