he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
