When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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