my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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