They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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