u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
