But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
a search helicopter?!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
