Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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