Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
