they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize