I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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