You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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