Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
