Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We are two peas in an std pod
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
