The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
