I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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