Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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