I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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