apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
