you have to choose: penises or morals?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
