dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
