I'm laying in your front yard are you home
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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