we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
