Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
