My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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