just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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