i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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