I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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