There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
