I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
either way he was missing a nipple.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
